The excitement is building, the hours seem to be getting longer and I can barely contain myself. I actually have an exit visa and an airplane ticket in my hand saying that I can leave this crazy country and head for beloved Canada. I will be arriving in Calgary at 2250 on 3 May! So it is actually happening! Coming back to Canada is always full of mixed emotions and this time it seems there are even more to deal with. In the last couple of months I have really started to enjoy a bit of a social life in Nyala. I love the guys that I work with and it has been great spending more time with some girls that I met from other organizations. So I have to say good by to one group of great friends to see another group of great friends. The hard part is that while I am gone contracts are ending and people are leaving Nyala, so the goodbyes are much sader then a 'see you in two months'. But there is always another disaster that will happen and I will probably meet them there.
This past week has also been a week that I hope I will never have to do again. It has been a week where I have seen the evilest side of humanity. Two of our national staff were shot and the reason for the shooting will never be understood. The two injured are doing ok and will heal but it has made me ask a lot of questions and caused a lot of anger, sadness and frustration in all of us. I have seen things this week that have burned images in my head which I will forever carry with me. This level of violence and evil I have never been confronted with before and seen the results with my own eyes. Even as I write this the emotions and anger come welling up and I'm not sure how to deal with them. I have realized that I am more sensitive about the stories we hear everyday of the violence that takes place here and I can not watch a good action scene in movies or tv. It has all become very real to me. Before they were just stories or entertainment, now these evil acts have affected people that I know and care for. What consumes a person to fire a bullet into another human?
So these events have left me tired, worn out and even small tasks or social events can overwhelm me. So the timing of a break to Canada is excellent. Hopefully I will be able to have two months where I don't have to see an AK47 or hear a fighter jet fly over. I love this work and I believe in what we are doing but I have seen the limitations to my sanity in the middle of it all. Some time at home doing superficial things like shopping for clothes and eating a nice meal with be a lot of the healing I will need to come back out for another year. Ya, I guess it's official now that I have signed another year contract to continue my work in Darfur. My role will be changing but I am coming back - seems a little crazy right now but I am looking forward to it.
All the rest of the stories and the catch up that needs to be done will have to wait for two more days when I can hopefully see you all face to face. I am looking forward to it and can't wait to see you all!
