Ho Ho Ho

Christmas always facinates me how much we anticipate the day and then when it arrives it's still passes in the same 24 hour time span just as the rest of the days in the year does. Having a Christmas away from the Christmas stuff was rather refreshing. It was just a lazy day of watching a DVD, reading and heading to the market to try to create something for a Christmas dinner. Shocking as it may seem I officially cooked my first Christmas meal. We didn't have the normal turkey, sweet potatoes and apple pie but it still passed a a decent supper. We had a beef stew, biscuits and fruit salad. It was kind of nice to make a meal and share it with my little family here. I can't complain too much. Then I also got to chat with my parents for a while and a couple of good friends. All in all a sucessful Christmas day.

There has been a bit of a theme running through my life lately that popped up again yesterday. It the verse Matthew 7:8 about being persistant in our prayers and to continue to ask God for stuff. This has really been important for me here in praying for peace in Darfur. It's easy to live in the middle of this crisis and get your work done but forget that only God can bring the peace that will solve this chaos. But there are other areas of my life that I quit praying for because I feel like God knows this stuff, so why do I have to keep asking for it? But I also know when I'm reminded to pray again something in me changes and I get a bit closer to the answer. So I was thinking about this when I was contemplating Christmas and the parts that I don't miss. I don't miss all the comercialism of it and the Santa part ot it. I know Santa is fun for kids and I don't shun it but as we grow up it seems a little crazy how big of a part of our Christmas this character remains. Santa seems like this big guy that all we have to do is ask him for what we want and magically it will appear under the Christmas Tree Christmas morning. So we tend to ask our families for stuff that we want and we ask Santa for what we want but do we ask God for what we want? I was thinking it's wrong to ask Jesus for something on His birthday but really when we sit down and chat with Him and talk to him about what our heart really wants, that's a gift to Him. What Christmas is all about is that He came so that He could be with us. He came so that I could ask Him for stuff and He could work in my life instead of Santa. It was a cool gift giving morning with me and Jesus talking about stuff that I want Him to do in my life that I know can't happen without His help. How sweet is that!

So that is my Christmas revelation for 2006. Start asking again for the stuff that you have given up on. He promises that He will answer.

And Then There Was One

Well it’s just me and the boys. Mary Ann finally got out of Sudan after weeks of waiting for an exit visa and is now enjoying Christmas at home with her family. So that leaves me with 6 guys. I don’t think it will be so bad to be the SP Princess but I will miss the good girl talks where you are allowed to be way too emotional and still be heard and understood. But the good news is that my friend that I worked with in Mozambique has finally arrived in Sudan. He’s still sitting in Khartoum waiting for a travel permit but at least he is here. So it looks like there will be three of us in Nyala for Christmas. It will be very quiet and in some ways I’m looking forward to that part of it.

This is my second Christmas in Africa. The first one was spent in the bush in Ethiopia far from a phone or internet to call home. But this year I will be able to at least communicate with friends and family. But it is still the farthest thing from a Canadian Christmas. It has cooled off a bit here and it’s kind of nice to sleep with blankets and have to wear a jacket in the mornings. But it will be a dusty Christmas rather than a white one. I inherited a Christmas Tree shaped candle which is sitting on the two gifts that I brought back with me to be opened Christmas morning. That’s about as festive as it gets. I was going to pick up some Christmas lights when I was in Khartoum by time flew by and I missed the opportunity. But I have realized that even though the egg nog, shortbread cookies and turkey will be missed it’s more about the friends and family time that will make it a lonely Christmas. I love the Christmas parties and the gatherings where you huddle into a warm house and drink hot cider and eat too much and talk about nothing. There are some other expats from other NGO’s that will be out here so maybe to can do a little of that even if it looks a little different.

Things here in Darfur continue to decline. NGO’s are starting to pull out of areas because it has gotten too dangerous. Vehicles are being stolen every week and there is not much we can do about it. So far we have been blessed to not have any incidents. We have stopped working in one of our areas north of Nyala again. So we wait for things to quiet down again so we can head back in and pick up where we left off. The rest of our areas we continue to get the work done but food rations are being cut back in January so some of our activities will slow down. I don’t know if things will ever change here. Everyone just keeps on saying ‘it’s just a matter of time’. The implications for that are many. So we sit and see what time will bring.

So that’s the update from the dusty Canadian. I miss you all and I really wish we were together for Christmas but know that you are all in my heart and prayers. Until next blog …

The Gang

 
 Just thought I would post some picutres of all our staff - Enjoy! 

A Loss of Innocence

 I'm back in Nyala now and back to work. There is always lots to do and to keep me busy these days. We are very shot staffed in Nyala for various reasons which seems to add a lot more pressure to the job. But after work when I find some down time I like to do some light reading. Right now I'm reading a book called 'A Bed for the Night-Humanitaianism in Crisis' by David Rieff. Ok maybe it's not light readin but it's on the recommended reading list for a course that I am taking in June. There are a lot of really good thoughts in this book and none of them yet have been encouraging but they have been eye opening.

I have really struggled with having compassion for the general population here in Sudan. It really hasn't made sense to me why I feel this way. People are suffering so much here and it seems like for such a futile cause. In Ethiopia I saw poverty like I never thought was possible. I saw people at the mercy of the weather and the elements that surround them. If one thing in this careful balance they called survival was thrown off their world collapsed and they fell into a crisis. In Mozambique I saw people suffer from HIV/AIDS. It seems to infect every community. Everyone's survival was comprimised by one preventable disease that infected 30% of the population. Seeing this suffering brought me to my knees and filled me with a compassion beyond my own and made me really want to see change and to help how I could. Here in Darfur I see village after village abandoned and burned and people forced into dire circumstances because they seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hear of women being raped and children being killed and yes it does effect me but I am having a hard time seeing that same compassion in me. I have hear that relief workers have a tendancy to be the most cynical hardened people around. Yet that doesn't make sense. It takes a soft heart and some hope to do this kind of work - why do we end up cynical and hardened?

I think I am understanding a bit more as to why that can happen. Here in Darfur I have realized why I feel less compassion for the innocent victims of this crisis than I did in Ethiopia or Mozambique. It's because it is really hard here to find an innocent victim. Even as families run from their burning village with only their lives they are not necessarily the innocent ones in this crisis. Next week or next month they may be assisting in burning the next village over. They may not be the ones pointing the gun at the moment but they probably were the one holding a gun six months ago. Really the only innocent victims are the children. But only the ones that are not old enough to hold a gun. There is a war within a war within a war happening here and I'm really not too sure who the real enemy is and who the victims are. So realizing this and seeing the self inflicted wounds that come from years of fighting tends to take the compassion out of the situation. Who do you have compassion on? Don't get me wrong, I still want to see the suffering end and I will continue to do what little I can to see this happen or at least relieve it a bit, but I feel the cynicism setting in. So my prayer today is for my heart to stay soft. To continue to see people as people loved by God and that He made bigger sacrifices to see their suffering end than I ever could. 

From the Freezer to the Sauna

Well I have now been to Canada for a great three week visit and now I am back in Sudan. The biggest thing that I was looking forward to was being warm again. It was around -10 or somedays below majority of the time I was home. As I continued to shiver in the planes and airports on the way back I just kept holding on to the fact that in Sudan - once again I will be warm. It's great to be wearing flip flops again and still be able to feel my toes. My reflection of my time at home was that it was a great trip. I was really busy and had very few down days but it was mainly a lot of fun. Let me try and sumarize a bit.

The fist weekend I was home my four favorite friends and I went out to the mountains for a night away. With my one friend's wedding coming up it was a great excuse to get away and celebrate all the love in the air. So we spent the day at a great spa in Canmore and then headed out to the hot springs in Banff to do a little soaking. Then back to Canmore for a great meal and then retired to pj's and wine at a friend's house. Our friend's run a Bed & Breakfast and they were out of town so we had the whole place to ourselves. This was a good thing because we sure made a lot of noise until the wee hours in the morning. It was a very needed girls night out. It seems like we have all gone through our share of good and bad life changing events in the last year so it was so good to talk them out with our favorite friends and of course it is all done with a lot of laughter and a few tears. It will be a weekend that we will all treasure and hold on to until it can happen again.

My weeks were full of shopping, one on one time with my friends and then all the appointments to get my body up and running again after months of neglect. It seemed like I was always busy doing something. Then my dear Leah got married so there were bridal showers, bachelorette parties, rehersal dinners and of course the big day. It was so much to be a part of all of this. I feel so blessed to be able to be a part of this life changing day of her life and even though I had to stand outside for three hours in a strapless dress in freezing weather, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. It was a beautiful day with filled with lots of love and laughter. I have never seen a wedding where everyone was so relaxed and personal. Maybe because it was a small wedding but I think it was a reflection of Leah and Ben. They were able to take a ceremony that is often full of stress, tension, expectations and disappointements and turned it into a day that really celebrated marriage and the beauty of two lives coming together. It was so cold yet so wonderful. I don't think anyone that was involved will forget it anytime soon - it could be due to the frost bite but I think it was more the fabulous day that it was.

Of course the other highlight of my visit home was my nieces. They amaze me with the little people that they are becoming. I love how children love so easily. Even though I have not seen them since February and I was only staying for a couple of weeks they loved on me with all that they had. It was great to see little Jessica and spoil her by never putting her down when I was around. The best thing about babies are their smell. So I tried to take in deep breathes of Jessica and I hope it will keep me going until I see her again. Mandy is starting to say her first understandable words and it was so great to see the dramatic facial expressions that she displays as she tries to communicate. Maybe next time I see her she will be able to say my name. Katie is just cute - there are very few things that she does that aren't heart melting. Antie Angie still needs an interpretor for the many stories that she likes to tell. But I have been invited to her birthday party next year so I will have to put that event on my calender to make sure I can be there.

I was also able to take in a couple of concerts while I was home. Leah bought me tickets to James Blunt concert which was a blast. The thing that amazed me the most was that Leah and I are not the only ones that know all the words to his songs. The Saddle Dome was packed with people that sang along. I also got to go on a hot date with my dad. We went to the International Guitar Night. A very different concert from the James Blunt one but just as enjoyable. Four guys played their accoustic guitars and made sounds come out of their guitars that will continue to confuse me.

So no more long talks with great friends by the fire, no lazy mornings watching the snow fall wondering if I'm going to go out in the cold, and no more great mom hugs - it's back to work. But at the same time I feel like I am coming home. Maybe not Sudan specifically but odly enough I often feel more at home in Africa than in Canada. There is a comfort and a peace that I feel when I am here. I know that this is where my heart is satisfied - even among the budgets, ledgers and stresses that this all brings. And most of all .... I am warm again

Jessica Rae

 Welcome to the world beautiful Jessica Rae. I don't know what it is about my family but we seem to produce a lot of girls. My sister amazes me with her strength an ability to now look after three little girls under the age of three. I would rather deal with the janjaweed and Sudanese government than have to look after three little ones. Maybe that's just a reflection of different life stages. I was planning on being home for this birth but Jessica decided that she was going to come early. I'm a little disappointed but I know my sister is happy about it. But now the countdown is on 7 days and they could be the longest 7 days of my life. I'm so excited to get home I can barely handle it. This could be why this blog is so disjointed and now rambling. I think I better quit now 

Normal

 I have been living overseas for over two years now. Most days I see poverty and suffering all around me and to be honest it becomes ‘normal’. It has become ‘normal’ for a young child to come up to me and stretch out their dirty little hands and ask for money. It has also become ‘normal’ for me to look into their sad, pleading eyes and say that I have nothing to give them. Some days I will stop and ask them their name or touch them so that they know that I care but giving them money is not always the right thing to do. But most of the time my ‘normal’ response is to say no and shoo them away.

It is ‘normal’ for me to see women carrying more than they should be able to handle on their heads with a baby strapped to their back and a couple more trailing behind her. I know that it is ‘normal’ for her to have six or eight children and have to try to find enough for them to eat every day. It’s ‘normal’ for a young girl to grow up with no education and no opportunities to discover the talents she may have. All she is expected to do by the age of 16 is to get married and start having children. Then she will follow in her mother’s footsteps of working from sunrise to sunset just trying to keep her family alive.

Today was not a ‘normal’ day. For some reason today I walked by a small women that made me realize that none of this is normal. There was something that hit me and reminded me of the suffering here. So I question why. Why do we live in a world where it is ‘normal’ for women to be raped and no one cares? Where it becomes an expected event to happen not just once but multiple times in a woman’s life. How do my days pass and I don’t think about the suffering that surrounds me. Well I have to say that I am thankful that not everyday is as heavy as today.

God has heard many of my questions today. I don’t know that I will ever understand His plans but I know that He is a God of love. How do I get a God of love out of all this suffering? Well I know this much, this messed up world is not what his intention was for us. But because He wants us to choose to love Him he also allows us to choose not to. I also know that one day all of this suffering will end. He has promised that one day there will be no more tears, no more suffering and no more pain because He walked this earth, died and concurred death so that one day He will not have to hear the cries of His children living in separation from Him.

So a little revelation of the pain that God sees everyday is really an amazing gift for me, but I’m thankful that God never gives us more than we can handle. 

Canadian Pride

So I was getting my usual news fix this morning when I came across a very interesting article. The great thing about reading the news here everyday is that most of it will directly influence my daily tasks. So I read this one article that Bashir (Sudan's President)was upset with the US because while he was in New York for the UN meetings his movements were limited to New York and 25km outside of the city limits. So his response to this restriction was to limit Americans to Khartoum and 25km outside of Khartoum limits. I'm not sure what this will really look like. I guess this happened a couple of years ago but it only lasted a month. Bashir promises that he will not reverse his restrictions this time. So our expat team in Darfur consists of one Ethiopian, one Kenyan, one Canadian (that's me) and five Americans. To travel into Darfur area you have to apply and get approved for a travel permit. So we were planning to get a permit for a guy traveling out to Darfur tomorrow and because he is American he was refused. Who knows what will happen with the American's that are already in Darfur but I'm sure we will find out soon enough. There is always enough drama in Sudan to keep things exciting. But I can say this much - I love being Canadian.

Ramadan

It’s the first day of Ramadan. This 30 day Muslim holiday has come and gone in my life for 28 years but this year I think it will be hard to ignore. During Ramadan Muslims fast during daylight hours from all food and drink and then once the sun goes down the parties begin. Devout Muslims take this month as a time for prayers and studying the Koran. The less devout Muslims take it as a time to be lazy, get out of work, have a bad attitude and then to party and eat a lot at night. People tell me that everything changes during Ramadan. I’m not too sure what to expect but already I’m not happy that I can’t get a cinnamon roll or a coffee whenever I want. It’s almost like being back in Nyala. What is the point of being in Khartoum if you can’t get a cinnamon roll?

I am hosting the SP auditor for the next couple of days. Usually an audit is stressful and a frustrating experience. But this guy is an encourager and I love having him around. But my time is starting to get crunched and the pressure is building. Too much to do before I head home in 24 days! I hope to head back out to Nyala on Wednesday so I can wrap up month end there. So there is lots of work ahead of me but I hope it will make the time fly.

Language Lesson

I am learning Arabic slower than I learned Portuguese. I have tried to arrange some lessons with some of our staff but nothing has materialized yet. The Arabic words used to explain this procrastination I have learned. This phrase is probably the most used phrase here in Sudan. It is the first thing I learned to say - before thank you, before hello, before anything else, this phrase has become a part of my daily activities. What kind of phrase could be so important and so representative of a culture you ask? It's rather simple and I wanted to take the time to share it. Not only will you feel like you have learned a little bit of Arabic but it may revolutionize your out look on life.

This phrase is .... insha'llah - the translation of this is 'if it's God's will'

You can also put it together with bukrah, which means tomorrow.

There are many different scenarios that this can be response for. Here are some examples that I have heard used here in Sudan.

- Work starts at 8:30 tomorrow so please come to the office and we will start the day.
- Response - insha'llah
- I need you to organize five guys to get this truck loaded and sent out by 11:00.
- Response - insha'llah
- Will you go and purchase this list of items at the market for the office?
- Response - insha'llah

To have it used with 'bukrah' is may sound like this:

- Can you get this report done ASAP so we can send it off?
- Response - insha'llah bukrah
- We need to get these supplies inventoried.
- Response - insha'llah bukrah
- Angie when are you going to learn Arabic?
- Response - insha'llah bukrah

So basically this is the best excuse for being unable to accomplish what you have been asked to do because if it doesn't happen, it was not God's will for it to happen. Or if it is something that you don't want to do and are trying to put it off as long as possible you can continue to blame it on God - maybe tomorrow it will be in God's will for it to happen.

So even though as a manager it is a dreaded phrase because really how can you argue with that - but personally it sure is a good excuse to relax a little and see what happens.

Canada Don't Forget Darfur

I found this article and I thought my fellow Canadians would like to hear about the Candian involvement here.


Canadian government don’t care for Sudan’s Darfur: Senators
Thursday 14 September 2006 05:30.
Printer-Friendly version

By Lee Berthiaume

Sept 13, 2006 (OTTAWA) — Lt.-Gen. Roméo Dallaire and Mobina Jaffer accuse the Canadian government of having more interest in the Middle East and Afghanistan than Darfur, but Deepak Obhrai dismisses their remarks as partisan.


Roméo Dallaire"Two Liberal senators have accused the Conservative government of abandoning the people of Darfur by failing to continue Canada’s past active involvement in the region and watching the crisis fester from afar.

Senators Romeo Dallaire and Mobina Jaffer have also accused the current government of having little to no interest in Africa, and will appeal this weekend for Canadians to pressure the government into action.

"There is a trend of this government to get out of Africa," says Lt.-Gen. Dallaire, former commander of a UN peacekeeping force in Rwanda in 1993-1994. "There is a trend not to involve ourselves in Africa."

Approximately 200,000 people have been killed and more than 2 million others have been displaced since conflict erupted in Sudan’s remote western region in 2003 between rebels, Sudanese government forces and allied militia groups, according to the United Nations.

In May 2005, then-prime minister Paul Martin created a special Darfur advisory team composed of Lt.-Gen. Dallaire, Ms. Jaffer and Ambassador Robert Fowler. The team travelled to the region several times, but was disbanded when the Conservatives came to power in February.

When violence between Israel and Hezbollah exploded into open warfare in July, observers and advocates worried that international efforts in Darfur would again be delayed, and Lt.-Gen. Dallaire says recent funding and humanitarian announcements from governments for Lebanon show the worry was well-founded.

While the international community has pledged more than $1 billion for Lebanon, including $30.5 million from Canada, relief and money for Darfur has not been readily forthcoming. In fact, the African Union, which is policing the area, is understaffed and under funded.

"If they don’t get funding by the end of September, they won’t be able to stay," Lt.-Gen. Dallaire says, noting the AU is looking for a "relatively small" $79 million to bolster its force.

"We’re talking peanuts here, and no one wants to get off the pot, Canada included."

One positive development came two weeks ago when the UN Security Council voted in favour of sending peacekeepers to the region, but the Sudanese government has opposed the move and Lt.-Gen. Dallaire says the international community is not doing enough to pressure the government to accept.

All of this comes as reports indicate the government of Sudan has stepped up the bombing of civilian areas in recent days.

"You’ve got a perfect opportunity for the Sudanese government to feel that the pressure is off," Lt.-Gen. Dallaire says. "We’re letting things fester. We haven’t been pushing the envelope. The [Canadian] government needs to take a far more bellicose position with the Sudanese government."

Ms. Jaffer says Canada was leading the way when it came to Darfur, and now there is a feeling we have abandoned the country as things were being turned around.

"We were really making a difference," she says. "Since this government came to power, we have dropped the ball. I think this is the approach of [Prime Minister Stephen Harper], he’s focused on a few issues. That’s not a way to run a country."

Ms. Jaffer says she has been watching the government’s policies towards not only Lebanon, but also its commitment to Afghanistan, and cannot understand why Darfur, and Africa in general, are not considered priorities.

"I don’t understand why we would be more interested in Afghanistan than Darfur," she says. "Is a black life worth less? We made a promise to these people. We made commitments, we made promises."

Both senators will be taking their message to the public this Sunday during what is being billed as the Global Day for Darfur. Rallies will be held in 22 countries around the world, including four cities in Canada. Lt.-Gen. Dallaire is the keynote speaker in Toronto while Ms. Jaffer will do the same in Vancouver.

Both say they will be directing their messages at Canadians in general, rather than the government, in the hopes of prompting Canadians to pressure the government to take action.

Sudan’s Ambassador to Canada, Faiza Hassan Taha, said in a statement that the embassy did not have enough information about the Global Day for Darfur organizers or their objectives to comment.

She also sent a press release issued by the Sudanese government on Sept. 6 outlining its opposition to the Security Council’s resolution to deploy a UN peacekeeping force to the region as a "violation of its sovereignty" and "willingness to take its full responsibility in Darfur, to provide security and stability."

Days after returning from a donor conference on Lebanon that was held in Sweden, Ted Menzies, parliamentary secretary for International Cooperation, says the Conservative government knows that even as the Middle East exploded into violence, "the other issues in the world have not gone away.

"I don’t think we’ve ever suggested we’re going to lower our support for Darfur," he adds. "The day to come back and re-address Darfur" is in the near future.

Foreign Affairs parliamentary secretary Deepak Obhrai also disputes the senators’ claims, alleging they are partisan. He points to a recent trip to Africa as well as a presentation he made in Darfur as examples of the Conservative government’s commitment to addressing the conflict and Africa in general.

"I wouldn’t put too much credit to what they say," he says. "It’s just that this government is not following Senator Jaffer’s route. [The government’s process] is more effective. The Liberals hadn’t done anything."

Mr. Obhrai says Canada is working through international organizations and has repeatedly stated that the Sudanese government must accept a peacekeeping force and the African Union force.

He will not say what contributions, if any, Canada will make to the peacekeeping force because it is too early, but that the government is not pulling out of Africa.

"We will continue engaging Africa," he says.

Oh Transition

Greetings from Khartoum! Yes it is true - I am sitting in Khartoum enjoying the good food and AC rather than sweating in Nyala with the 5 different kinds of starch. How could I be so blessed you may ask? Well once again my position has changed. There must be something about me that says that things must change when I arrive. So the finance lady that is based in Khartoum is leaving earlier than expected which means that I will now be overseeing the finances for all of North Sudan rather than just Darfur. I'm not too sure how that will look exactly but I hope that I will still be able to live in Nyala rather than Khartoum. So I am up here for a couple of weeks for the hand over and to train our national finance person so that things are operating well enough for me to go back.

With all the uncertainty in Darfur it's nice to be out of the tension and stress but I do miss it already. There is a certain energy and excitement that you get out of being based in a field office with 70 staff. You feel like you are a part of things. Khartoum seems so far away from that world. There are some nicer luxuries that I enjoy here but I wouldn't trade the field life for a few comforts. So hopefully this will go well and I can head out back to my big Sudanese family.

Uncertain Days

I'm not too sure how many of you have been keeping up with the news on the situation in Darfur but I thought I would give you my perspective on things here. Well at least how it effecting us here at SP.

The UN Security Council passed a resolution to send up to 24,000 troops into Darfur to protect civilians and to try to see the humanitarian work continue. This is all good in theory and it seems like those that have agreed to this resolution are giving themselves a pat on the back for all their good work but the reality is much different. This resolution is only valid if the Sudanese government allows it to happen. I really don't see this happening. In fact not only is the UN not welcome in Darfur but they have asked the AU (African Union) to remove their troops by the end of September. To replace the AU the GOS (government of Sudan) is sending in their own military to enforce the peace agreement signed earlier this year. I have read opinions that basically the GOS wants to remove the non-signatories of the peace agreement. I think you can understand what that means.

Every different angle that we try and look at with the UN, AU, and GOS we see the result as major fighting and the crisis growing. This could happen in the next few days or it could happen in the next few weeks. One way or another, it's not good. It's difficult for even me sitting in the middle of Darfur to comprehend what could happen. The thing that really hit me today as I have been trying to get my head around it all is how much people will suffer even if they are out of the areas with fighting. Right now more than three million people in Darfur rely on assistance from aid agencies for food. Farmers have been unable to plant their crops due to the fact that it is too insecure to remain in their fields outside of the security of the camps or villages or I have also heard of farmers being harassed and beaten to stop them from producing a crop. This means that there will be a very small harvest this year and a major food shortage next year if there is no security or assistance. There has been an outbreak of cholera and other poor sanitation illnesses have increased because people have been forced to drink accessible ground water that is available in a safe area rather than traveling to cleaner water sources. There is an increase in rapes and malnutrition. And this is just with the threat of fighting breaking out.

If something here does happen the situation will only get worse. If security continues to decline that means that aid agencies will pull out of Darfur all together. Food, medicine, clean water, shelter materials and other basic survival needs will no longer be met. I think that the people that will suffer from the lack of assistance will be greater than the people that will suffer from the actual fighting. That's a tough one to accept. I do not worry about my personal safety. I know that I will be well taken care of by my organization and the UN to ensure that nothing will happen to me. But I'm having a hard time thinking that if we stop operations here what will happen to the 108,000 beneficiaries that we feed every month? What will happen to our national staff that we have to leave behind? This is the stuff that I am wrestling with.

So we sit, wait and try to continue on like normal. We have stopped operations in one major area until things are safe to return there again. Other than that we continue to do the work that we are able to do, pray and watch. Planning for a potential evacuation is something that I have never had to do before and I am learning a lot. But at the same time, everything seems rather normal. I don't write these things to worry you but to raise some awareness about what is happening here and to plead with you to pray for this country.

Sad Goodbye's

I have been very fortunate over the last couple of years to make some really great friends with some of the people that I have worked with. It's kind of a strange environment because you get thrown into a work place where you work and live with the same people 24/7 and that makes for great friendships (or sometimes not so great friendships) to be formed. I was very lucky to arrive in Darfur and join a great group of people. Sarah became a good friend of mine and we had lots of fun together. We danced like crazies at the Thrusday night parties and had many conversations full of venting, crying, and excitement. The problem though is that contracts end and people move on. So yesterday we had to say goodbye but knowing that one day we will see each other again. So life continues here but with a lot less of Sarah's laughter and daily friendship in it. I wish her all the best and I can't wait to meet here again in some foreign land.

Here We Go Again

Things are heating up here again. And once again the Sudanese Government has refused to take part in the Security Council mentioned below. Ahhhhh! Please pray - what else can we do?



AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL
PRESS RELEASE

AI Index: AFR 54/043/2006 (Public)
News Service No: 223

Sudan: Government troop build-up in Darfur signals looming human rights crisis
28 August 2006 — Amnesty International today warned that the build-up of Sudanese troops in Darfur could lead to a human rights catastrophe in the very near future, and urged the UN Security Council to take immediate action to protect the people of the region.

"Eyewitnesses in al-Fasher in North Darfur are telling us that Sudanese government military flights are flying in troops and arms on a daily basis," said Kate Gilmore, Amnesty International’s Executive Deputy Secretary General. "Displaced people in Darfur are absolutely terrified that the same soldiers that expelled them from their homes and villages may now be sent supposedly to protect them."

The organization urged the UN Security Council to exert maximum pressure on Sudan to accept UN peacekeeping troops in Darfur — including imposing further targeted sanctions against Sudanese authorities.

The Security Council is due to meet today to discuss a draft resolution on the crisis in Darfur.

The Sudanese government has proposed its own protection plan for the people of Darfur — a plan that reportedly involves bringing up to 26,000 government troops into the region.

"The Sudanese government’s ’protection plan’ is a sham and must be firmly rejected," said Kate Gilmore. "How can Sudan — which appears to be about to launch its own offensive in Darfur — realistically propose being a peacekeeper in a conflict to which it is a major party and perpetrator of grave human rights violations?"

On 29 July, the Sudanese government bombed villages in North Darfur, violating a March 2005 UN Security Council resolution banning offensive flights in Darfur. Armed opposition groups have also perpetrated grave human rights abuses, including attacking humanitarian convoys.

Really Stuck

Here is a picture of that it means to get a truck stuck. The hole was actually created by us trying to get the truck out - we didn't drive into the hole. Enjoy

Peace?

I don't fully understand the situation here in Darfur and just as I finally do understand something it either changes or I get conflicting information that starts me back at zero. I have never been politically bent. I have no idea what is happening in Canadian politics and I really don't even want to learn. It just doesn't interest me. I do find African politics a bit more interesting because they are a little more dramatic but still on the whole I don't really care about or understand them. There was a group of us that went out for supper the other night and we ended up talking about political leaders like you would normally find people talking about celebrities. Criticizing how they came across in their last speech, who they have been spending time with lately and even what they are wearing. How I got myself thrown into this world constantly affected by the political world that surrounds it I will never know.

So here is the scoop as to what I think is happening here in Darfur right now. You may or may not have heard about a peace agreement that was signed in Nigeria about 4 months ago. One of the rebel groups (SLA) signed the agreement but many others did not. Even the group that did sign, there are rumors that they were forced to do it. Now the leader of that group has been incorporated into the government as part of this peace deal. This has changed the atmosphere here in the little Nyala world that I live in.

Two days ago the house next door to the office became officially a SLA house. I don't really know what that means but from what I can see it means that a rough looking guy with a big gun sits in front of the house and 'SLA' is roughly drawn on the wall behind him. This is a very strange sight here in Nyala. Up until this point Nyala has been a government controlled area. This means that SLA has not been allowed a presence here. Once and a while we will see the janjaweed (the governments milita response to the rebels) in town but I have never seen the SLA. I have also seen trucks full of young men holding up SLA flags parading down the streets. I guess this is supposed to be peace. Allowing the SLA to have a presence in a government area is a show that the government is moving towards forming peace here in Darfur. But remember that this is all a show. These are very surface level declarations of peace. It actually leaves me a little uneasy and makes me watch the situation just a little closer.

But despite all of this our work continues and our vehicles continue to get stuck in the mud. It is rainy season here and a trip to the field has been more digging and wading through water than anything else. Right now we have just sent out a team to pull out a truck that got stuck yesterday in quick sand and is almost up to it's doors in mud. Peace or no peace we still have work to do. But all of these recent changes makes us keep our eyes a little wider and keeps us on our toes to see what will come from all of this.

The Bank

I was sitting in the bank yesterday and I was thinking that this may be the most exciting thing that I can enter into my blog right now. So let me tell you a little about the excitement of my job as Finance Officer for Darfur, Sudan. Once and a while I get the pleasure to take a trip to the bank to withdrawal funds for our expenses. This visit can take from 20 minutes to 2-3 hours (like it took yesterday). As an NGO we often receive special privileges in a bank because of the amount of money that we go through. Unfortunately the special privilege here in Nyala is not the speed at which we receive our money but the location we get to sit at while we wait. We get to pass through the hordes of smelly, sweaty people bunched up at the tellers fighting for service, pass the guy with the AK47 and into the bank manager’s office. We greet the manager (who calls me Howa – which mean wife of Adam or mother of all – not sure what he means buy that) and hand him the cheque written in the amount that we would like to withdrawal from our account. Then we get to take our positions in the nice padded chairs and begin the wait. When I refer to something as nice please put it into the context of ‘Darfur nice’. ‘Darfur nice’ is something that can still be used for it’s intended purpose and does stain your clothes when you come into contact with it.

I have found during my travels in Africa that banks can be spotted as the cleanest and most modern building in a town. However once again, as soon as I think I have something figured out, Africa once again surprises me and makes me question everything that I have seen and concluded in the past. The bank in Darfur is filled with old desks that are falling apart and cockroaches. So we make our way, past the people through the desks, into the manager’s office and take a seat. The manager’s office has enough room for one enormous desk, a cabinet and the two nice padded chairs that we get the pleasure of sitting in. If the manager needs to leave his office he must squeeze past the cabinet, past us sitting in the chairs and maneuver around the desk to get out the door. Personal space was not considered in this set up. The reason for the long wait could be for various reasons. Sometimes we have come during what they call ‘breakfast’ but most of the time it is because they have run out of money and they have to go and get some more.

My assistant and I usually spend the time catching up on life stuff, work stuff and my teaching session about the culture of Sudan and how Sudanese people think. Other entertaining things can be done like counting the number of spiders that are in your line of vision or making up stories about the holes in the walls or the interesting characters that get to hold the guns. The money does eventually arrive from the central bank in a metal trunk that is ushered by two men through the side door, across the bank and into the back room where the tellers are. Once the money has arrived it takes at least another 45 minutes before you see your share. Our money is dropped on the manager’s desk in a couple of piles about 8 inches tall. We then count the piles and the bundles, put it into a box or bag and walk back through the desks, through the crowds of people pushing and shoving to get to the teller and into our vehicle waiting in front.

So I hope this dispels all myths that life in Darfur is somehow exciting and romantic. It’s full of spiders, waiting, guys with guns, nice padded chairs, waiting and piles of money.

Breakdown!

Well I am back in good old Darfur and diving right back into the work. People were more than happy to see me - not because they love me but the work that they don't have to do anymore. So I have been rather exhausted since my return. On top of that my assistant is sick and it's month end. So I had a bit of a breakdown today. Over the last couple of days I got really great news from home and really bad news. At times like these it makes me really home sick and I start to realize how many big things I am missing in my friend's and family's lives. This is all part of the job I know but it doesn't make it any easier. The pleasure of living and working with the same people everyone knows when you totally loose it. Usually you like people to think that you have things together but there really isn't anywhere to hide. Personal and professional crap crashed here in Angie's little world. But the good thing about the bottom is there is no where to go but up. But maybe tomorrow I can pick up the pieces again and keep moving forward. It's all a little reflective in this country that I work in. Things move along well with peace and stabilization and then it all crashed and we pick up the pieces and start again. Please keep me and our team here in Darfur in your prayers and pray for this country - it needs every prayer uttered.

Kicking and Screaming

Well I am on my way back to Sudan. If I was a little less mature I would throwing a temper tantrum right now. I feel better this week than I have felt in months and I have slept well and suprisingly the beach is just not as stressful as the office. But I appreciate the break and I guess it's time to go back to work. I'm sure I will feel better about going back once I get back into the swing of things. I will write a more detailed blog when I get back to Sudan on my thougths of Cape Town. Here are a couple of pictures of me and the friends that I spent time with.

Beach Time!

After a couple of days of rain and cold weather the sun came out and we were ready to go up Table Mountain. This is one of the must sees of Cape Town. At the top you have an amazing view of Cape Town and you can look down onto the most south west point of Africa. All of this I have only been able to hear about because today was the first day of the 2 week maintenance time for the gondola. Lucky me! So I will be one of the few people that has come to Cape Town and not gone to the top of Table Mountain. But the beautiful day was not totally ruined. We headed down to Camps Bay Beach and enjoyed all the beaches on the way back to the hotel. Because it is winter there are not too many people on the beach or in the water but it was a great walk and I was totally amazed at how many houses they have been able to build out of the side of the mountain. Enjoy the pictures and even though I didn’t get to go up Table Mountain you are allowed to be a little jealous that you couldn’t spend the day with me at the beach.

A little time in Prison

I am now a full fledged tourist. There is no way to get out of the tourist herding when you go to Robben Island. It starts on a boat ride that takes about ½ hour to go from Cape Town to the island. After getting off the boat the loudspeaker on the dock instructs you to board the busses at the end of the dock for your 45min guided tour of the island. So like good tourists we got onto the bus, chose the best seats and got out our cameras. Our tour guide was really good with witty humor and interesting facts about the island. Even though I tend to revolt against tourist activities like this, I really enjoyed it. The island has an amazing history. I kind of expected it to be one big prison but it has played a role of much more than a prison. It has been a leper colony, a military base and is now home to many ex political prisoners and staff for the island. It is also home to thousands of African penguins.

After the guided bus tour we got off the bus at the prison and started the guided tour around the prison by an ex political prisoner. Again I was pleasantly surprised by the tour because when you have a guide that was living in these conditions and has personal stories to tell it turns it from a tourist trap to something that really happened. The prisoners that were brought there to do their time were actually brought there to die. The living conditions were horrible and the food was barely enough to stay alive with no medication for when they got sick. These prisoners made the most of their time and many of them through the teaching of fellow prisoners received an education. There are a number of them that are now in the South African government because of the education they received while they were on Robben Island. I find that amazing. They sacrificed their lives to be able to serve their country the way they are serving now. Democracy and an end to apartheid was what they were fighting for and it is amazing to see it all happen within their lifetime.

We were able to see Nelson Mandela’s cell, his garden and all the other big touristy things. Of course there was the gift shop at the end with the t-shirt hats and key chains just to make the tourist experience complete. Even though I am not a fan of these things I put it high on my list of things to do while in Cape Town.

Today was a rainy day so it was rather quiet but I did have a great sushi supper.

Cape of Good Food

Ahhh Cape Town. I have to say that I am very impressed with this not so little city. I had this strange misconception that Cape Town is a small little costal town so I was a little shocked that Cape Town has the population of over 6 million. I was able to meet up with my friend here with no problems and we have been really enjoying the first couple of days here. The food has been great and easy to find with a sushi restaurant on every block. I do think that I will be able to gain back some of the weight that I have lost over the last three months. With three big meals a day my body is going into shock and I’m feeling great. My guest house was just a 15 min walk from an area called the waterfront. This is the main port in Cape Town and they have built it up to a major tourist center where you can spend days just trying to see it all. I have been able to pick up all the things that I need to take back with me at just one of the malls and we even went to an amazing aquarium today. I think we are going to head back there tomorrow to go to Robbin’s Island where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 27 years.

Today I moved from the guest house that my friend had booked for me into a hotel that has a swimming pool, gym, and all the perks that I need. Things are a little more expensive here that I thought they were going to be but well worth it. It’s so nice to have a break and get away from work and all the wonderful but tiring things that Darfur brings. I’m looking forward to the next 7 days of enjoying all that Cape Town has to offer. I’ll try to keep you up to date on my travels and adventures here. It feels great to walk around with my map and camera and be a tourist again.

The Game

I have been feeling a little left out of 'the game' lately. My friends at home are all growing up - getting married, buying houses, thinking about babies and yet here I am in Darfur. It's kind of strange to feel so far behind in life. I have this great desire to go home and do the same. We now has DSL internet in the office so that means that I have been spending more time entertaining myself with whatever I miss from home and I can find on the internet. So I have found myself decorating my house in my mind and trying to find clothes that are actually in style and aren't faded and stretched out. Even in the midst of the poverty and lack that surrounds me I still miss some of the 'normal' things that I am used to. No all these things won't make me happy or fulfill me somehow but I am still human and was raised in Canada and I really miss the Canadian things.

Then I was reading BBC today and they mentioned a video game that you can play on line for free. It's called 'Darfur is Dying'. It was created to raise awareness of the situation here in Darfur. So I got onto the web site and played a little. It's funny how a video game can make you think and really put things into perspective. Usually when I get into this self pitty mode of 'poor me what is this life that God has thrown me into', He is quick to remind me that maybe it's not all about me. For some reason I am here and not in Canada with the new house, husband and a normal work day. That doesn't mean that I will never have that life but I am here and I think it's for a pretty good reason. I'm sure there are people sitting in the IDP camps right now as it rains wishing that they could return to their normal life too.

So check out the game and maybe it will help you realize too that whatever is pulling you into the 'poor me' mode may not be all about you. The web site is www.darfurisdying.com

Nyala Life

Sorry it's been a little while. Yes life gets a little out of control even here in Darfur. I have been plugging away at getting a handle on all the finance issues and finding budgets for everything we are spending. I have also started to dabble in program work. I am heading up a project working with 150 widows and their children here in Nyala. I will give more details later when I get funding and the project starts. I'm very excited about it.

I am up for my first R&R and am planning to head to Cape Town. Due to the many permits that are required here not only to get into Sudan but to travel within Sudan and to leave Sudan I have had to postpone my trip for another week. I'm due for a break but I think I can handle another week in glorious Nyala.

People have been asking for pictures of what I call home. It's nothing fancy but we don't suffer too much. I'm blessed to have my own room and we do have running water to the toilet and shower. The electricity works most of the time. You do get used to the dip in power and the constant on and off of the lights at night. Things are improving - we got an airconditioner this week! It's great to have somewhere to get away from the heat. Sorry about the dull blog but I was told I'm not aloud to talk about gun shots anymore because it scares people. So I won't tell you about the gun fire that woke me up the other night.

Enjoy the pictures of my room and of the girls' compound.

Shots Fired!

Ok it wasn’t at me or anyone in particular but it sounds dramatic doesn’t it. In the last couple of weeks I been able to join some teams and head out to the field to see the real Darfur. It has been a little surreal to see the pictures that are on the news about Darfur right in front of you. As we drove to the villages that we are working in we pass those that have been abandoned or burned to the ground. At times it is overwhelming when I think about the fear and terror that people must have experienced to make them leave their homes and land and seek out more secure locations for them to camp in until it is safe for them to return.
Almost the same day that I arrived in Darfur, a village that we had been doing food distributions in was attacked and burned. Who did the attacking is such a complicated question that I won’t even begin to get into it now. But yesterday we decided to try to enter that village and see who is there and what is left of the village that once held 5,000 people. So as we started to approach the site we slowed to a crawl turned on our hazard lights and cautiously entered the village. As we started to approach a group we heard two gun shots which brought our vehicles to a stop. But it soon became apparent that the shots were coming from a group of women who where celebrating. So today’s Darfur adventure was not going to be as exciting as I had thought. A group of men approached us smiling and welcoming us which we thought was a good sign – even after the gun shots.They invited us to join them under a tree to meet with them and discuss their situation. The group gathered, AK47’s and all, and told us that just in the last couple of days lorries had been bringing back families and their belonging to the village to start again. We were the first NGO that they had seen since the village burned and were happy to hear that we will try to bring food and shelter back to help them.

It was encouraging to see families return and hear that more are on their way however I also know that there are just as many leaving their homes as returning to them. There seems to be this ever changing movement of people from one area to another as they try to stay out of harm’s way. As the rainy season approaches this means that another crop will not be planted which results in another year of food rations and assistance from Aid organizations. Please continue to pray for Darfur. I know that it comes and goes in the media spot light but I promise that the terror and conflict continue.

White Girls Can't Dance

A lot has happened this week but it just didn’t seem to make it onto my blog. It began with the wedding which I have now found out that actually they are not married yet. I guess it was the beginning of the engagement. In four months the bride will move into the groom’s house and I guess that’s when they are really married. I don’t understand the whole process. Communication is a challenge so often you just have to wait and see what happens before you actually figure things out. But the party was very interesting. We arrived and joined a large group of people gathered around a large open space. As most things are in this country one side was for the women and children and the other was for the men. So we were ushered by our new friends that we made at the henna party to some chairs at the front. We were the only white faces in the crowd which drew more attention to us than I am comfortable with. Once and a while music would start which consisted of an electric keyboard and someone singing. This would trigger a slow trickle of people into the open area to begin the dancing. One thing that is very obvious about this culture is that they love to dance. It basically consists of conservative side steps with their arms in the air snapping their fingers. So the girls would grab my hand and give me little option but to join them in the dancing circle. I was feeling awkward enough being the only white girl that can’t dance in the circle but then the ‘photographer’ for the wedding gets right into the center of the circle in front of me to take my picture. It was probably one of the most awkward experiences in my life. I was hoping and waiting for the bride and groom to arrive to take the attention off of me.

The bride and groom did eventually arrive in little taxi’s that were driven right into the center of the circle. Then the party really started. The crowds poured in and surrounded the taxi’s as they snapped, danced and hollered. Then the bride and groom were lifted onto people’s shoulders and paraded around the circle. It was a bit like being in the middle of a huge mob. People pushed and shoved and there was very little room to breath or move. Our friends that were with us tried to keep people away from us and give us space but it was rather futile. So after taking a few pictures and congratulating the bride and groom we fought our way out of the crowd. However, once we got out of the crowd we realized that we were once again the center of attention. We had a following of about 20 children and 10 men wherever we went. Everyone wants to talk to you, touch you and just stand there and stare. Realizing that the situation was not going to get any easier we quickly found the rest of our party and left. This is something that I find very difficult to get used to. It seems rather normal for me now to have everyone at least glance at me when I walk down the street or to have something yelled out in my direction, but it’s in a large group like the wedding that things are just a little too intense for me. But the party was fun while it lasted.

Ok I am here for other reasons than henna parties and weddings. So I would encourage you to check out the new slide show that SP has done on Darfur. It's on their main page at www.samaritanspurse.org. It will give you a better picture of the food distributions that we are doing here. I am proud to say that little SP (yes we are considered small in the NGO world here) is currently distributing food to 10% of the population that are on the food ration list. Enjoy!

Henna Anyone?

Wow do Sudanese women know how to party! One thing that has amazed me here is that even though 90% of a Sudanese women's body is covered, the other 10% is made to look beautiful. Also, if some of the hidden 90% of her body happens to shows it is painted, manicured and beautified to catch a man's eye. So last night I was able to join one of our staff and be involved in a henna party the night before her wedding. Basically all the women that are close to the bride or are in the wedding party come together to paint themselves with henna for the next day's event. I have never had henna before and where better to try but in Darfur. The bride made the comment that 'henna is life in Darfur, no henna, not really a woman'. This is a very important part of their culture here. The pictures are of myself and the bride, and the artist working on my arms.

Like any gathering of women there is food, drinks and lots of talking. They talk about very normal things. They like to know if I have children, a husband or a boyfriend. And each no is followed with a 'why not'? Then the drums start and the dancing and singing follow. Soon a large bus of women pull up to the house and pile out in a wave of dancing and singing. However, the bride is not to be seen until the wedding. So she remained hidden in the back room while the rest of the women join in the party. However, she was not going to miss out on all the fun. She climbed up on a bed to peek through a crack between the roof and the wall so she could see what was happening. Periodically some men would arrive and dance their way through the women and then join the rest of the men in a room on the side. What a party! But it doesn't stay in one place for long. They all pile back into the bus and hit the groom's home and start the party all over again. I'm excited to see what is going to happen at the wedding today.

Only One Week?!

I can't believe that I have only been in Nyala for one week tomorrow. It feels like I have been here for at least a month. That would mean that I have accomplished very little but I still feel like I have been here forever. I have only been in Sudan for 12 days! Mozambique feels like it was forever ago. I miss my friends there a whole lot. Thank goodness for cheap phone calls with Skype or I would be in big trouble.

Things are going well here. I'm still trying to get a handle on the programs and their budgets. That part has taken much longer than I had expected. I have a great assistant here that I would be lost without. His name is John. He is really smart and also a lot of fun. Often we get distracted and start talking about all aspects of life here in Sudan. I think we will become good friends over the next year.

Getting used to living with 7 new people is probably the biggest adjustment. I am very thankful that I have my own room to get away to. They all seem like great people but you have to have some boundries or you could end up bashing heads more than you mean to. Different people have different levels of cleanliness (and mine is one of the cleaner levels believe it or not), different preferances for pets (there are two dirty dogs that some of the team call pets), and different items of conversation that people enjoy (I won't even go into this). So your own room is a must in this environment.

I have entered NGO world. Every white land cruiser driving down the road is plastered with the various NGO logos. I have seen more white people in the last week than I would see in an average month in Mozambique. When you introduce yourself around town as you meet these other aid workers adding your NGO to the end of your name is a must. So I would say "Angie-SP" and they would respond "Jeff-ICRC" or "Sarah-MSF". The first time it happened to me I had to hold back the laughter. It's just such a different world here.

But all in all I think I am adjusting well. I'm slow at learing Arabic but the staff are patient with me and insist on teaching me a new word everday even though I forget it five minutes after they teach me. I love being here and still looking forward to this year and the adventures I know it will bring.

Celebrations in Nyala

Day three in Darfur started off with a wedding celebration. Like most African cultures wedding ceremonies are a series of celebrations. Today I was able to take part in a ‘breakfast’ to celebrate the upcoming wedding of two of our staff members. The funniest part is that both of them are out in the field doing food distributions but that doesn’t stop the rest of their family and friends from celebrating. So we arrived and I experienced the first bit of culture shock of living in a muslim culture. I started to follow the guys that were with us to greet the men that were standing around and I was quickly stopped and told that I must walk around a different way and enter the women’s area. Oops! My world of men and women being treated relatively the same are over.

So we had to walk all the way around a sheltered area where the men sat on mats eating and talking and entered the area where the women and children sat. But even there we didn’t fit and we were escorted into a little hut where we sat and waited for people to come in and greet us there. Shortly after we arrived a large platter of bread and other dishes were brought for us to eat. So we removed our shoes, sat on mats and dug into the food using only our right hand. It’s quite an art to tear off a piece of bread and use it to scoop up the various sauces and only using one hand to accomplish the task. But we seemed to be able to make a significant dent in the pile of food.

After the trays were ushered away and hands were washed the little hut slowly filled with women some carrying traditional drums. The drumming started and our role was to clap along. The women all joined in singing and some danced. The bride’s mother joined us with a bottle of perfume and sprayed it throughout the hut. I guess this is supposed to make us all happy. She danced around waving a colorful cloth singing and spraying perfume. I could have sat there all day listening to them sing but I could have done without the cheep perfume.

All I could think about as I sat on this rickety bed in the middle of a small mud hut amongst beautiful Sudanese women singing and dancing was how God has blessed me. Just to be able to sit and celebrate with women who are in the center of a war zone and have experienced pain that I can not even comprehend is something I never want to take for granted. Last night I joined a security meeting that the UN holds twice a week for NGO’s and I heard about the movement of the rebel groups, which villages had been attacked and which roads are not safe to travel on and yet the next morning I am celebrating a marriage. Life continues here even with the horrors that surround them. God’s grace is real.

Dust Anyone?

So I’m sitting here in the Khartoum team house watching a little ‘Friends’ on TV and it starts to get dark outside a little too early. So we take a look out the window and watch my very first sand storm roll in. It’s rather interesting. Everything turned orange and the houses a couple doors down disappeared. It’s still happening right now but the orange turns lighter and darker as the wind picks up. This is just one of the few firsts that I have experienced in less than a week in Sudan.

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So I’m sitting here in the Khartoum team house watching a little ‘Friends’ on TV and it starts to get dark outside a little too early. So we take a look out the window and watch my very first sand storm roll in. It’s rather interesting. Everything turned orange and the houses a couple doors down disappeared. It’s still happening right now but the orange turns lighter and darker as the wind picks up. This is just one of the few firsts that I have experienced in less than a week in Sudan.

Tomorrow morning I am flying again but this time just a two hour flight to Nyala (a town in Darfur) where I will be living for the next year. I have spent the last couple of days doing actually very little. Most say that I should enjoy it while I can but really it’s driving me nuts. I would rather be busy working but I’m sure my time will come. I have been doing some training but not as much as I expected to be doing. But it has given me a chance to join the country director in visiting some projects that we are assisting in. It was a good chance to see a bit of Khartoum and hear some stories from Sudanese people about what has been happening in their lives.

One of the greatest firsts for me was being able to cross over the Nile. Khartoum is built on the area around where the White Nile and the Blue Nile come together to become The Nile. It struck me as to how blessed I am to see this. However, I crossed the Nile the modern way by driving over a big bridge not the romantic way of rowing across it in a rickety wooden boat. But I take what I can get.

So tomorrow my life changes once more as I head into Darfur. I think I’m excited now. It’s been a process of sadness to leave Mozambique, nervousness in entering the great unknown and now excitement to see what this adventure holds for me. I know that there is a lot of work ahead of me. Finances have been a tense point for our staff in Durfur for many reasons so I am kind of getting sent into the lion’s den. But the good thing is that I don’t think I can make things worse. Things can only get better.

Safe and Sound

Well I have made it to Sudan. The flights went well other than the extra luggage costs (they were only going to allow me 20kgs!) and I arrived with people waiting to pick me up. So all went well. I met this great lady from Germany that has been working in Darfur since December as a doctor for MSF. So it was great to talk to her about her perceptions and how she has dealt with everything. It was a great blessing to have talked to her and I felt a little bit more prepared and excited by the time I got off the plane.

I got to meet a lot of the team on the first night. They all left the next morning for Nyala but at least I got to spend a couple of hours with them. They all seem very nice and I'm looking forward to getting to know them more. Here Friday's and Saturday's are the weekends so I arrived with two days off ahead of me. Not a bad way to start off. I haven't had much of a chance to see Khartoum but it looks like a modern city. The roads are nice and the buildings have this middle eastern touch to them. Very different from Mozambique.

Africa amazes me how diverse it can be but at the same time very similar. As I went from east to west last month it was strange to get off the plane in Liberia and it felt like I did a lot of flying but ended up in the same place. There are so many things that are the same between the two countries. Yet I got off the plane in Khartoum and there was no doubt that I have entered a different world. It's hard to find similarities between Mozambique and Sudan. Many people reffer to Africa like one big country. Yet each country has it's own 'flavor' and I'm excited to discover Sudan's.

It looks like I will have a couple more days in Khartoum before I head off to Nyala. So I will enjoy the luxuries like restraunts and air conditioning while I have them

Am I Crazy?

I don’t think I have ever had so many second thoughts about leaving a place before. I was able to spend the last week at our field bases training my replacement and saying my goodbyes. I don’t think I can express in words how much I have grown to love the people here. I actually think that God hand picked the greatest Mozambiquan’s and brought them all to work with Samaritan's Purse.

It’s a tradition that at your last staff devotions in Guija you must share some sort of great parting wisdom to people before you leave them. Well I have realized that I am lacking in the great wisdom department so I shared with them what they have taught me over the last year. I thought that I would share that with the rest of you.

Love, humility and compassion are the three main things that I have learned in Mozambique. I am amazed at the way our staff love on each other. It seems like they are constantly helping each other. If someone is struggling to get their work done, no matter what program they work for someone always seems to pitch in to get it done. But that doesn’t seem to stop with just work duties. If someone needs help in their personal lives there always seems to be someone stepping up to the plate to offer a hand. They truly serve each other. I have seen numerous times how they will put their own agendas aside to help others that need it. I have seen them rejoice together with births, weddings, accomplishments and also grieve together as family members die, homes are destroyed and losses are experienced. To me this is the love that God desires so much for all of us to live out.

One of the challenges in working for an NGO is that our national staff are often managed by young, inexperienced staff like myself. Many of our staff have been working for us since 2001 and managers come and go as their contracts expire. A new manager means that things will be changing one again. I can only imagine what thoughts would easily go through their minds. Things like “I am old enough to be your father, why should I listen to you?” or “You don’t understand how things work here, just do it my way”. Yet I have never heard or felt any of this pride from them. They have respected those in authority and have had patience with our inexperience and lack of knowledge. Yet as I leave they continue to express how much they have learned from me! If only the rest of us could operate with that level of humility.

Day after day our staff go out into the communities and see the people of their country suffering. They work with people dying from AIDS, families with only enough food to feed their children one more meal, and children raising children because everyone else in their families have died. They have a few resources to feed the hungry, give medicine to the sick and construct houses for those in need, yet the need still seems so great. I know they suffer when they have to decrease the amount of food to distribute because there isn’t enough money. I also know that they often feel helpless and overwhelmed yet somehow they are given the strength to show compassion to the people that they meet. It can only be God who continues to keep their hearts soft and keeps pushing them forward as the situations pull them down. Then at the end of the day they go home to their families and realize their own needs and see the suffering in their own families. I pray that I will have that same compassion in the midst of my circumstances.

So I left those wonderful people behind after more than a few tears shed but yet a pocket full of beautiful gems that I can only hope to hold onto and share with those in Sudan. I will never forget the impact that these people have had on my life and I truly hope that I can work with them again. I don’t say this as a nice Christian cliché at the end of my posting but I really mean it. Please pray for them. Please pray that they are able to hold on to those gifts of love, humility and compassion so that they can change Mozambique for God’s glory.

Reviving of the Heart

I just returned from my two week ‘vacation’ in Liberia. This was not really a vacation to revive the body but it sure revived my heart. It was so great to spend
the time with my parents and a dear friend. We laughed, we cried, we questioned this world we live in, and we celebrated all the work that God is doing in Liberia. I got to see all my favorite kids again plus meet a bunch more that have joined the TLP family in the last two years. When I arrived I was so shocked at all the work that has been done to the campus since I was there last. It’s so exciting to see your prayers and money actually accomplishing things in the physical.

One of our main duties while we were there was to hold a five day health clinic for the community. The greatest miracle was that we were able to see almost 800 people in those five days. The hardest part was turning away the other 200 that we could not treat because we ran out of medicine. My heart broke as I saw how sick people are there and what little options they have for health care. Because the government is still trying to pull itself together after 15 years of war there is no subsidies on clinic visits, tests or medicine. This makes it very difficult for people to afford to get treatment when they are sick. The most frustrating part of it all was to see that majority of the illnesses are due to drinking dirty water.

There were three very sick babies that we had to take to the hospital because they were in very serious conditions. One of the saddest stories was a little girl who we called Annie. She was a twin however the other baby died two months after it was born. Annie was never given a ‘special’ name so we just called her by her mother’s name Annie. Her mom seemed to show no emotion as she watched her tiny 6 month old baby fight for life. I can’t imagine the amount of pain that this woman must have
gone through in the last couple of months and she has just shut down so she could deal with all of it. But after a week in the hospital Annie (the mother) brought her baby to campus to show us how well she is doing. We expected that baby to die within the next day after we saw her but God had bigger plans for this little life and shocked us all by healing her.

The other baby that caught my heart was an 8 month old boy named Emmanuel. After a long day of trying to see as many people as possible but still having to turn away some at the end of it because we were running out of daylight (there is no electricity), we spotted this sick little boy being carried by his father and we decided to treat just one more. After we took his name and information I carried him to the doctor and even before I got there the doctor knew he had meningitis. Emmanuel would cry and stiffen his whole body and stretch his neck back. So we treated h
im with antibiotics and took him to the hospital for further care. Emmanuel’s mother died in childbirth and his father was left caring for three children all on his own. With only a small amount of money the father was only feeding him milk from a milk powder that was on the market for the UN soldiers. Formula is expensive for people in Canada, can you imagine the price of it for people in Liberia? It’s not an option. A couple of days after we took him to the hospital they ran out of the medication that they needed to treat him with. So we left Liberia praying that God would do a miracle in this little life as well. I know that the father’s life was changed as he was finally able to see his precious little boy treated after being turned away from three clinics saying that there was nothing wrong with him.

Those five days in the clinic were long days and all the team amazed me with how hard they worked in the midst of the Liberian heat, the noise and the limited space and resources. But God always leaves room to have fun as well. I enjoyed learning the Liberian English and expressions as they described fevers as their skin being ‘hot like pepper’ or their dizziness as their ‘eyes be turning’. One night we had rain and what do you do with 50 kids and lots of water? A water fight is in order. We laughed and screamed as we dumped the cold water on each other and made sure that everyone on campus was soaked by the end of it.

My time there made me realize once again why I am here. My heart breaks for the lack of options that people have here. They can’t receive the health care that we have easy access to, education is limited and poor at the best of times, food is on everyone’s mind as they fight for survival and the water is contaminated and makes them sick. Yet the heart and passion here for life and relationships is very much alive and thriving. I love to be able to somehow assist them in their daily fight as they teach me how to love everyday of this life that God has blessed me with. This was a refreshing time for me as I returned to Mozambique for this last month here and head off to Darfur on May 4. Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I prepare to head into this next adventure. Love you all and miss you so much.

From the Beach to the Desert

Well the mystery of what is next for me has been solved. After much thought and prayer I have decided to accept a position in Sudan. It is another finance position however the setting is much different. I will be in Sudan based in a town called Nyala, southwest of Khartoum (the capital of Sudan) in the Darfur region. Here I will be joining a team of 7 expats and 80 nationals.

For those of you unfamiliar with what is happening in the region of Darfur I'll give you a little background. In 2003 two rebel groups had formed in Sudan against the government's policies regarding the Darfur region. The government's responce to these groups was to mobilize and arm a militia group called Janjaweed. This has resulted in horrible acts of destruction, starvation and killing over 300,000 people displacing another 2 million. The UN has described the situation as 'the world's worst humanitarian crisis' and the US Congress and State Dept. has called it genocide. Since the conflict began people would flee into neighboring Chad, refugee camps or into IDP (internally displaced people) camps within Sudan. As things calm down people try to return to their villages however the situation is still very unstable and they usually end up returning to the camps as invasions continue.

Samaritan's Purse has been there since 2003 distributing food aid, shelter and basic supplies to try and meet people's needs. So as the conflict continues SP continues to bring assistance to the hungry, tired and weary. SP has a great little video about the work that they are doing there on their web site www.samaritanspurse.org. On the right hand side it says 'crisis in Darfur'. That will give you a better idea of what is going on. So as I think about what is happening there I feel rather privileged to play a part in bringing help to those in need. My heart breaks over countries in crisis and I have always said that I would love to be in the middle of it doing what I can, so here is my chance. The living conditions are going to be rustic but I hear there is electricity most of the time and running water when the electricity is on. I'm looking forward to all the challenges that this next year will bring.

So I will be heading off to Liberia to join my parents and a team of people from March 25 - April 7. Then I will be returning to Moz to train my replacement here and then I will go right from here to Sudan. I am able to go for a home leave however with going home at Christmas and again in February I felt that a break in three or four months will be needed. So I have delayed my home leave for a couple of months. I will post more details about my new home in Sudan as I get them. Please keep me in your prayers and I work through the nerves of heading into a new environment.

Ahhhh Weddings!

Well I have been back in Mozambique for a week now from my quick trip home for my friend's wedding. I had such a great time. I'm so glad that I was able to be there. And to my surprise there was lots for a bridesmaid to do a week before the wedding. It was great to be a part of such a special day for such a special friend. It was great to see all her planning come together to create such a beautiful day. The only problem was that it was too short. It all went so fast. I thought I would post a picture of Sharon just so you can all enjoy the beautiful bride.

So I thought I would be coming back to train and turn things over to who ever would be replacing me but it looks like things will be turning out a bit differently. I am still planning on joining my parents and a team of people in Liberia on March 23 but then on April 6th I will be returning to Mozambique for another month. (The other picture is of some of the great kids in Liberia that I get to go and see again soon!) They are having a hard time finding someone qualified to come and replace me. So instead of trying to rush and do everything before I leave I will be returning to hand things over properly. I was very thankful for this news because after investing the last year of my life into this, I would hate to not hand things over right.

'What's next?' is the big question that everyone is asking me. My African friends are having the hardest time understanding that I am leaving one job without another to go to. Jobs are not as abundant for them as they are for me. But I am very thankful for them becuase even though they don't understand they still support me and pray for me in this next step. I really have no idea what is next. It's kind of strange that nothing is standing out to me yet. Usually you have some options but there is one or two that are more possible than others. But as of yet I have very little direction. God has never let me down yet so I know that once again He will be faithful and place me in the job and country that He wants me in. Some of my options are to stay here but in a different role, to take a job in Indonesia or Sudan, go back to Canada and go back to school, or actually settle down a bit and get a regular job and buy a house. Or the answer could be behind lucky door number three - the great unknown.

So that's the update on me. I'm having a hard time figuring out what country I am in at what time and I think I may have permanant jet lag but really loving life. What is better than the constant adventure of travelling, seeing new places, meeting new people and never knowing what is going to happen next.

Well I Guess It's Not All Work

One of the nice perks of living in Mozambique is that South Africa is only a few hours away. It is a little strange to drive only three hours and it feels like I could be back in Canada with it's coffee shops, malls, movie theaters, and relativly normal driving.

This past weekend I had to take the Canadian interns across the border so they could renew their visa's. So we decided to make a weekend of it and enjoy the animals in Kruger National Park. It's an odd feeling to drive down a highway just as I would in Canada and then turn through some gates and literally run into an elephant. It's great to see these animals that I have only seen in a zoo in their natural habitat. They could care less about all these little cars driving by and human heads poking out the windows to take pictures or to stare. I think they are checking us out as much as we like to watch them.

At moments you realize as you drive past a lion or as a elephant walks past your little Kia how fragile we humans are. These huge animals just make me wonder once again what God was thinking when he created them. We were very lucky to see almost all of the 'big five'. The only one that we missed was the leopard. I even got to see my first white rino.

Even though I drove for about 8 hours a day it was a very relaxing weekend and thoughly enjoyed. Enjoy the pictures and if you want to hear the story of pulling one of the interns back into the car while we were three meters away from a lion you will have to ask me in person, it's a rather funny story.

I'm out of here in 7 days for my dear friend Sharon's wedding so it will be another short visit to Canada for me. See you soon!

Back into the Swing of Things

Well, I'm back in Maputo after a great Christmas break. The big guy that controls the weather must really love me because it never even really got cold. My family totally spoiled me by decorating my apartment with my Christmas decorations and letting me have all the niece time I wanted. It was again hard to leave especially when my little two year old niece looks at me with those big blue eyes as I am saying good bye and pleads 'I come?'. But I still had to get on the plane and endure the three day trip back.

At least work missed me. There never seems to be a shortage of work for me to do here. We have also switched accounting systems which means that there is all the set up that needs to be done as well. But I have a fresh head upon my return and have decided that working evenings and weekends does not make for a healthy girl. So I just plug away and get done what I can. While home I made the big decision not to stay for another year. My heart is for working in the communities and this job has not permitted me to do that. So it's time to step out and see if something else comes along. So as of March 22 I'm officially unemployed and open for opportunities. I'm hoping to meet my parents and a team of people in Liberia to join their work at the Lord's Prayer Ministry until the middle of April and then I will returning home for a little while. I have been playing with ideas of returning to school buying a condo and settling down a bit. But then I hear stories of our work in Sudan and know that mass amount of work that needs to be done there and I want to go. So please pray for me as I try to figure out what God has for me next.

It's strange to entertain the idea of coming back to Canada again. I know that I have only been away for a year and a half officially but my heart has been in Africa since the first time I came here four years ago. So if I decided to come home I would have to put aside a big part of me for the time being. I know that I will never be an African and totally fit in here but I also no longer belong in Canada. When we are told in the Bible that we are just strangers in this land passing through and that our home is in heaven I have a better understanding of what that means. However, at the same time there is this desire to have somewhere to call home.

While I was in Canada I realized what a strange bunch of people we are. Everything is so neat and orderly that so little emotion or passion is expressed in order to keep everything in it's place. I have become accustomed to honking at people when they are in my way or just to let them know that I am there. So one unlucky guy pulled out in front of me and blocked my path so I honked at him. He was so shocked that someone was honking that he didn't know what to do so he honked back! I think it's so funny how we are so easily rattled when something out of the ordinary happens to us. Life here in Africa is so out of the ordinary that you never know what will happen in a day. Something that you have done the same ten times before (like filling out papers at the bank) will all of a sudden change for no reason and there is nothing you can do. I find that this gives you such a freedom. If you want to walk down the road singing or even if you want to do a little dance this is all acceptable here. Pretty much anything goes. This does have it's down falls as well but I do enjoy the freedom.

So please pray for me and I take yet another step into the unknown. I just hope and pray that no matter what I do next that somehow God will use this little insignificant clay pot to proclaim His Goodness and Glory.