My Pregnant Pause

Pregnant Pause - A pause that gives the impression that it will be followed by something significant.

I don't think I could explain this time of life any better than that. My job here in Halifax was a one year contract that ended on November 4 which worked out perfectly to give me a few weeks to relax and of course pack. Thankfully the weather has been beautiful so I have been able to get out and get some exercise with the luxury of returning home and

having a nap. Everyday the simplest things such as putting on my shoes or picking up a few groceries gets harder and more tiring. It's hard to believe that I still have eight weeks to go. It seems like a long time but when you consider how much is happening in those eight weeks I know they will go quickly. So I am anxious to see this time pass and nervous about all the changes however I realize that this may be the last few weeks of my life where my time is my own and I am trying to enjoy them.

Other than small errands and tasks that I assign myself each day I have been filling my time with a lot of knitting. It is a hobby that I picked up years ago and was sustained by my commitment to make each of my nieces a baby blanket. Little did I expect my sister to have four children so just making blankets has been my focus over the years. So now that it is my turn to have the baby I of course had to make a baby blanket for my little bundle of joy. However it didn't seem to stop there. Of course will all the left over yarn I have also completed a few hats, a sweater and a few pairs of booties. It has been fun to knit for this little one and I am eager so see her wear them. I love hand made stuff. In returning to Canada and battling the consumerism battle I have gained a new appreciation for things that can be made by hand rather than purchased. I think it makes you appreciate the value of items and the real cost of them. So I am trying to knit my little heart out to make sure that we have plenty of hand made items to choose from in our daughters wardrobe.

While I knit I have been watching the news and the story of the occupiers unfold all over North America. It is such an interesting situation and I really waffle on how I feel about the whole thing. The message of those that are protesting often seems unclear however I think I can agree with some aspects of their fight. I think that Canadians have to be careful that we are not complacent to how our government is operating and what interests they are protecting. We all find it very easy to sit back and enjoy a comfortable and safe lifestyle and question very little until we hit a bump in the road and then we start to wonder how we could have been so blind to what is really happening. This occupy movement is giving us all the opportunity to be more aware of what our government is representing and realizing that it is not always representing Canadian citizens. Sometimes I feel like we have become so focused on our economy and material wealth that we have become consumers rather than citizens. Is the health of our economy really to take priority over the holistic health of our community or family? Is a successful country really one that is wealthy no matter the cost to it's environment, it's future or it's friends? Sometimes thinking on such a large scale is hard to grasp however if you boil this down to an individual basis it's easier to really consider the direction Canada may be going. It is not uncommon to hear stories of people that had considerable wealth and were extremely successful in business however only a handful of people show up to their funeral when they die. Was their life really a success? That is kind of how I think about a country and the importance it puts on it's wealth. If we bow to the economy and run our country based on the desire to be wealthy and to have a strong economy what happens when all that wealth actually is the cause of our troubles? So when our drinking water is contaminated and our recent grads can't get jobs because we import all our goods but our economy stays strong is this really a country we would be proud of? As you can see I have more questions than answers but I do know that as Canadian citizens (not consumers) we need to be careful in the comfort that this country has provided for us so that future generations can also have access to these same comforts and freedoms and that we don't rob them of this due to our greed and short sightedness. As you can see I have more questions than answers and I realize I am not a great Canadian to be saying these things since I intend to live in another country but still, it has all made me ponder some of Canada's struggles.

So I am in the midst of my pause and realizing that many changes are upon us in the months to come. I am thankful for this time to enjoy the rolls and kicks of this little girl and to prepare for what is to come. I don't think I will ever be ready for this but it's going to all happen if I am or not. Calgary in 3 1/2 weeks!

So Thankful

There are so many things to be thankful for right now it made a perfect weekend to sit back and enjoy some of that wonderfulness and really appreciate the moment. One of my favorite things to be thankful for right now is this little person growing and developing inside me right now. It is so fun to feel how strong she is getting even if it is a little uncomfortable now and then. I can't wait to meet her and get to know her and learn all the things that create her character and personality. Oh and yes I am saying 'she' for a reason. We have learned that we are having a little girl! It was a bit of surprise to everyone as many were convinced that we were going to have a boy but we are super excited that we are having a sweet little girl. One thing I do know, is that she is going to be sweet if my cravings have any determining factor.

The other person I am so thankful for is my wonderful husband. The last three years have been such a roller coaster and sometimes a bit more adventurous than we had asked for but I have had a wonderful partner to keep me grounded and moving forward. We have taken risks together as we pursued our dreams and these risks seem to be paying off. Bryan was extremely tenacious in finding a job this summer that would continue to move us forward toward what we have felt would be our next step. It was a struggle to keep focused on what we thought was right and it didn't come without it's sacrifices. In the end a great opportunity came up for Bryan to take a three month position in Kenya with a company called Wildlife Works. The job and the company seemed like such a perfect fit and exactly the direction Bryan has been pursuing. With him taking this job it would mean that I had to stay here in Halifax while he went to Kenya. I'm not a fan of long distance marriage. I know we dated over skype but being married over skype brings a whole different set of challenges. But we decided that we could do the long distance and the three month separation may even make us stronger (which it did). The other sacrifice was finances. Due to the legalities of foreigners working in Kenya the company was unable to actually hire him and pay him a salary. So not only did we have to pay out of pocket all of his travel and living expenses but there would be no reimbursement cheque in the mail. The more we talked about it, the more more we felt like this was an opportunity that could not be passed up - no matter what the financial cost may be. So we took the leap and Bryan headed off to Tsavo, Kenya for 3 months. It was a fantastic experience for him as he learned about the carbon credit industry and more about Wildlife Works. The sacrifices paid off just in the last couple of weeks as we received a contract offer for us to move back to Kenya and for Bryan to take a full time position with Wildlife Works training to manage a large conservation area. So this means that we will be moving back to Kenya around the first of March! I am so thankful that my husband was determined to not take second best but to pursue his desires and stay focused on the dreams we have been building together.

As we drove through Nova Scotia this weekend from Halifax to Cape Breton to PEI and back to Halifax I have been reflecting on our time here in Canada. We have enjoyed living in Halifax and I feel that we have made the most of it. Even without having a vehicle we have been able to see much of the province and indulged in some of the best parts of it. We have learned how to enjoy the local produce and included in that has been canning and cooking classes for me and lots of fish filleting practice for Bryan. As the leaves change and I start to think about our temporary move to Calgary on December 14th, it's kind of sad to see the end of this phase of life. We have been able to actually set up a house and enjoy it to it's fullest. We have had many visitors (but never too many if you are thinking of heading our way before we leave) and a few great dinner parties where the house is alive with friends and great conversations. It's been great to see Halifax on foot and walk all over the city to the many pubs and restaurants that we have enjoyed over the last year. We have made some great friends and hopefully convinced a few of them to come and see us in Kenya. So as our time is quickly running out we are trying to squeeze as much time in with these wonderful people as possible.

One of the other things that I have been thankful for this weekend is for the time that we got to spend with Bryan's grandma. She is an amazing woman and she inspires me with her stories of how she overcame her many challenges of raising five children as a double amputee in countries like the Congo, Zambia, Tanzania and Kenya. Not only did she take care of her family in these environments but she also took the time to teach women and children how to read and write. She even

had the patience to teach Bryan how to read when he was young and I'm sure he was full of energy! She gives me the hope and strength that no matter what sort of challenges that we will face as we raise our children, that all these unseen mountains can be overcome. We had a wonderful day consisting of breakfast, a drive out to see Bryan's grandfather's grave and picking up some pumpkins on the way back. The sun was shining and the leaves literally started changing into brilliant colors overnight. It was a day I won't soon forget.

This thanksgiving has been a true time of thankfulness for me, there are so many things that I have been given and I am truly thankful for.